That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
