just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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