i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
