I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You are a genius and a whore.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize