I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
