Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
