Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
