apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
