i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
