Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
it was like eating out sand paper
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize