I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
