and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
