I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
