he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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