I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize