sarcasm needs its own font
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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