found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
