I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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