You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
