It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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