did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
