im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
