What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
