OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
