I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
