Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize