Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
