just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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