so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Randomize
