I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
