My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize