No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
