she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
