Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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