I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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