If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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