It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
