I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
