For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
