Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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