11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
