Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize