You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize