i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize