I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
