i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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