How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Panties = found
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
