I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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