what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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