living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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