im drinking this country out of the recession.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
