I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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