So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
PANTIES FOUND
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