I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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