Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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