I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize