I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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