What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize