Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
