You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
