im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
