Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
