We're like a lot better than the average bears
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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