before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
