Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
