You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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