Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
God I need to hump something, right now.
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