No, drunk sperm still make babies.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
