if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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