Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
