I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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