One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
