Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
