Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
