Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
