Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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