I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
