well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
