Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
