You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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