she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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