Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
