I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
